How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
