In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Randomize
