I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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