Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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