I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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