Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
