I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
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