Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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