No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
