there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Randomize
