Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
