I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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