If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
