eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
