I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
