We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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