then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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