We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
You left your phone here
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