I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
