my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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