My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
