Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
