Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
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He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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