shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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