I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
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