I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
