Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
