I don't remember. Are we still dating?
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
