I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Randomize
