Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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