I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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