btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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