He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
