Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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