i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
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