Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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