threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
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