she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Randomize
