If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
