we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Randomize
