Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Randomize
