I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
