Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth