i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.