I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
i can juggle bunnies
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
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I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
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My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo