Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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