I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
