I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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