Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
