you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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