its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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