What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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