dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place