he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
21 Dirty Secrets From Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties That Have Destroyed Marriages
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday