Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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