Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.