I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
