You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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