Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
