I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
