I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
