dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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