I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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