Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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