just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
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I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
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I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
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