Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
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