Already got asked if we're dating
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
